Teamwork is vital for a healthy marriage, and it’s equally important in therapy or counseling. When you and your partner seek help through therapy (often referred to as “marriage counseling“), you’ll achieve better results by putting in equal effort.
Here are some tips for marriage counseling NYC or other areas wherein you may be located that can help you both build a stronger, healthier relationship
1. Be Ready to Be Yourself
Many people feel the need to hide their flaws or try to appear as the perfect partner. This can lead to a fear of vulnerability, making it difficult to share thoughts and feelings. However, opening up and being honest is crucial for a healthy relationship. While concealing your true self may seem effective in the short term, it can ultimately harm your relationship.
Embracing your authentic self helps build intimacy and fosters a deeper connection with your partner. Research shows that individuals who are true to themselves engage in fewer harmful behaviors and experience more positive relationships overall. Additionally, being genuine with each other creates opportunities for mutual growth as a married couple.
2. Think About Your Relationship and Outside Influences
As social beings, our views are often influenced by the people around us. While these influences can be beneficial, they can also be harmful. When assessing your relationship, consider whether outside opinions have affected how you perceive your spouse.
For instance, if a friend or family member is overly critical of your partner, it may lead you to view them more negatively. Seeking advice from others is fine, but in a healthy relationship, you and your partner should be united.
Discuss these external influences with your couples counselor or therapist. If needed, you might consider setting boundaries with certain family members or friends.
3. Define and Share Goals
A key marriage counseling tip is to discuss what you want to achieve with your partner. Before your first therapy session, take the time to define your goals for relationship counseling together. These goals will help you stay focused and monitor your progress over time.
Sharing and discussing your goals ensures that you and your partner are aligned. You can share your individual objectives and collaborate on identifying shared goals. Common goals for marriage counseling might include:
- Enhancing communication
- Developing healthier ways to resolve conflicts
- Uncovering the root causes of disputes
4. Be Honest
While honesty is widely recognized as essential, lying in therapy is surprisingly common. A study from Columbia University found that 93% of participants admitted to intentionally lying to a therapist. Remember, without honesty, even the best couples therapy advice may not be effective.
In relationship therapy, you might be tempted to tell a white lie to avoid embarrassment or spare your partner’s feelings. Resist this urge and express your true thoughts, even when it’s difficult. Although the truth can sometimes be painful, being honest with your partner is crucial for identifying the issues that need attention in your relationship.
5. Look at the Past
Unhealthy relationship patterns often stem from past experiences. Our early relationships with caregivers can shape our expectations for future relationships. One of the most valuable marriage counseling tips is to bring up significant events from your past, even if they occurred long before you met your partner.
Talking about past experiences can help you address relationship issues and become more attuned to each other’s physical, mental, or emotional needs. Openness can also lead to healing. With your therapist’s guidance, you can work through past trauma and build a healthier relationship in the present.
6. Explain and Listen
There are many effective tips for couples counseling, but the results you get depend on the effort you put in. It’s important not only to share your thoughts and emotions but also to take the time to explain them clearly.
When your partner shares their perspective, make sure you listen attentively. Instead of becoming defensive, try to understand their point of view. Research consistently shows that active listening enhances relationship satisfaction.
Show your partner that you’re engaged by nodding along with their statements or maintaining eye contact while they speak. If you have a question or feedback, wait until they finish speaking before responding. Learning to communicate effectively is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
7. Ask Questions
While couples therapy tips often emphasize listening, it’s equally important to ask questions. If you’re struggling to understand your partner’s perspective, asking the right questions can help you see things from their point of view.
Questions can offer clarification and deepen your understanding, but some questions might come across as defensive. Before asking, take a moment to validate your partner’s feelings. Let them know you care and want to learn more.
For instance, if your partner expresses that they don’t feel loved, reassure them of your feelings and express your desire to find better ways to show love and support. Ask them what makes them feel special or appreciated and explore their love language. Make sure to act on the feedback they provide.
Find Effective Marriage Counseling
No marriage is without challenges, and it’s impossible to avoid all relationship issues. However, with the right tools, you can confront these challenges directly and work toward a fulfilling marriage.
While the marriage counseling tips provided can help you make progress, finding the right therapist is equally important. Talkspace simplifies the process of finding a marriage counselor who suits your needs. Once you connect with a couples therapist, you and your partner can collaborate to build a healthier, happier relationship through online marriage counseling.